In my last blog post, I had mentioned that when I get nervous I breeze right through things... it really is true. I tend to rush through those things that make me feel uncomfortable, much like a cat will dart from an area when made to feel in danger. I really need to learn to stop doing that. I think that it has cost me a lot of opportunities in life, one of which being a carousel ride at the House on the Rock.
Somehow I have to learn to take a deep breath and take my time. Speak slower. When I was in a Speech class, one of the notes on it was "A little less caffeinated next time" which was funny because I hadn't been caffeinated. I feel like my bubbly personality just bubbles over sometimes and I find myself cutting people off mid-sentence or just rushing straight through due to nerves. I am not sure how I can work on it, but I intend to.
Next year come auditions at Ren Faire again, and I already have them in mind, I would like to be able to shake these kinds of nerves in order to perform better, to impress, and to get the part that I want. I have so many friends who work in entertainment, and I should pick their brains to find out how to battle these butterflies.
The one and only time I have been able to push straight through was at a singing competition. I knew I was up against stiff competition; some of the people were my friends that I was trying to beat, and I knew they were good. Even though I was nervous, I sang like I needed the money because, well, I did. Maybe I need to try and keep that forefront in my mind. Not my want for a thing, but my need for it. While it is a little harder to try and imagine my need for a part, I have to learn to think this way. I know I am a good performer, I just have to remember that and go with it.
On another note, it is both National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) and National Novel Writing Month (NanoWriMo). I am going to try and keep a dedication to both this blog and a novel. This means that I will have to push through any writer's block that I might have and just do it. I can't promise that everything that comes out will be solid gold, but I would at least like to make it something worth reading. I may even poll my friends on subjects to write about, and I already have an idea for a novel (or at least a collection of short stories) that I would like to write about, and this weekend gave me a bunch of ideas to go with. Just like my nerves with performance, I am going to have to battle my nerves with my writing.
I constantly doubt myself (thanks to people like Neil) in that I don't know if my writing is worth reading. I just have to remember that I am not Neil Gaiman. I am not Terry Goodkind. I am not one of the greats. Yet.