I have been sitting here staring at a blank page, and figuring out how to conquer it. I am looking at bubbles in a fish tank, and a TV that is only just a noise. I am listening to a song that touches my heart. I am smelling the remnants of dinner. I am feeling like thirty is approaching too fast. What is it about years of our lives that make us feel a certain way? Why should thirty be different than twenty nine? I suppose I want to still exist in that point of my life where one foot is in adulthood and one foot remains in my childhood. I want to still be able to do and say crazy things and have fun but I want respect as well. I don't know why this number makes me feel like I have to be more.
When I was younger I guess I just thought that by this age I would have the things I wanted in order. I would have gone to at least a few of the faraway places that I wanted to go, I would have published at least one story, I would have graduated college and had a successful career. I don't like feeling as though my accomplishments have been so few. When I begin to feel this way, I remember those things that I have done that mean so much and the sting of it dulls a little. I know that I will have these things, I just need to think of "adulthood" as being older than I had thought when I was a child.
The one thing that I have to realize is that none of this is going to happen if I don't make it happen. I really need to work more on the story before the thread of it is lost, and it dies like rotten fruit on a vine. I am going to write some of the book tonight. My goal is to write for at least two hours and get something down. I love doing this blog each day, and if I could offer the same commitment to the story I am working on that I do to this blog, then it would actually be getting somewhere. So I verbally berate myself for being lazy with it, and now I need to go and work on it instead of talking about it.
I'll close by telling you all that I had a great day, though uneventful. I cooked filet mignon for the first time, which turned out delicious, and I spent time laughing with my fiance and daughter. If I every need a recharge of the spiritual batteries, all I need is my children. I hope you are all warm somewhere but if I could ask a favor... I would really love snow for my birthday. If you could just wish a little snow my way for the second of December, I would really appreciate it. Much love to you, my friends.