Sunday, November 14, 2010

IMPROV-A-BLOG!! All the randomness you can fix in a leeeetle box.

So, I asked people on Facebook what I should blog about, and this blog will contain all of those subjects, in one form or another...

I shall begin with pickles. Why is the delicious pickle only called a "pickle", when it must be referenced back to the cucumber? Did "pickled cucumber" not sound as delightful to the palette? Are there cucumber haters out there who only delight in pickles without thinking about the cucumber origins? When pickling began, how did they decide what would be most delicious to pickle, and what did they try that might have failed? I can think of a few; pickled chocolate (it just sounds evil on too many levels), pickled venison (I've had it, it tasted only of FAIL), pickled strawberries (just ew). Among my favorite pickled things, I like pickles (of course), pickled bologna (which apparently I can only get in Michigan), and pickled beets.

Next on the list; Barometric pressure. I am sure that this has something to do with weather, and probably explains why nipples get hard in cold weather. I am sure there's an evil scheme to be hatched in there, I just have yet to explore it.

Now; "Why I Blog". I decided that since I missed National Blog Posting Month last year, I was going to try and get it in this year. I may keep this up every day, but I do tend to run out of things to say which is why I asked for some help tonight. I hope you are as entertained as I am...

Fourth; "How to write a carefully prepared blog under a deadline". I got nothing. I usually just write whatever is in my brain at the moment and, full of fail or not, it ends up here. I am far too random to prepare for these types of things. I have found that the magic usually happens when I just wing it. I am totally an improv girl where that is concerned.

Next; "Why Richard Blogs; a tale of grammar and photography" doesn't actually exist, except in my head. I think his photo albums have a story waiting to happen in them, and someday I may just try and write it, but for now, we must all hang our heads in woe for the non-existance-ness of this blog I just spoke of.

Which leads me to; The Future of Human Evolution. It is my one wish that humans will eventually have gills like in Waterworld, and we will embrace the fact that we live on a planet that is made up mostly of water. My fear, however, is that like the topsoil, we'll just find a way to fuck it up. I still want gills though, that would be totally awesome. Oh, and night vision. Especially handy in the wintertime in the Midwest. I think it was dark out at like four in the afternoon today. Someone should work on all this. This is the future as I see it.

How many more can we fit? Well, here's another; Rosecrans and Gildenstern. I don't know who these two are, so here's my story about them. Rosecrans, or simply Rose is a small somewhat dumpy woman with too many children who likes to yell a lot. Gildenstern, her husband gilds things in gold, and has a workshop on the top floor of a building. He doesn't answer the phone when Rose calls, and then gets yelled at for it when he comes home. They have a small house in the suburbs, and their children go to a private school that only teaches them about the culinary arts.

Ummm, what's next? Ah, yes. Parallel Universes. In a parallel universe, I think I would be taller. Or I would hope to be. In this parallel Universe, everything is opposite. So I am now tall, and I don't put my foot in mouth on a constant basis, and I have no imagination. This parallel universe kind of sucks. I want a universe where everyone starts old and gets younger. I want a parallel universe where you eat to get thinner and you smoke to get healthier. Also, a parallel universe that doesn't have coffee is unacceptable.

This should be fun; Time Traveling Hobos with Sacks of Walnuts. If I were a time traveling hobo with a sack of walnuts, I would probably use them to throw at people, then travel back in time and stand behind someone else so that the person struck would believe it was them throwing the walnut instead of me. Sneaky and mean, but sounds like fun. I think that no matter who you are, you are a hobo if you time travel because you're technically homeless. All hobos in my mind look like sad clowns with a five o'clock shadow. I think this stems from the velvet posters and figurines of sad clowns that my cousin had in her house. None with walnuts though... I do remember that she smoked a lot of weed, so she probably thought she could time travel. Very slowly. Into the future.

What now? Fish. I like fish. I have blogged about fish in the past but I shall reiterate those posts by saying that I love fish. I wish I could swim with fish, hence my evolution bit. Also, you should feed the Mind Fish. They like food. Watch the blue one, though. He hogs the food a lot.

Annnnnnnd; Tweeting myself. I know to some of you that sounds like some sort of crazy porn movie, but here in the world of "teh interwebs", we do tweet ourselves. Or it feels like we do every time we sent a Tweet to a famous person and they don't reply. When I send a tweet to myself, it's usually talking to my sixteen year old self. I say things like, "Don't worry, your boobs will eventually get bigger, but not by much... #tweetyoursixteenyearoldself" or somesuch.

I hope you enjoyed Improv-a-Blog. Please leave a comment if you like.


  1. I want a universe where everyone starts old and gets younger. Pretty sure they covered that in one of the star trek series.

    My favorite foods served with the traditional Japanese breakfast were the pickles mind you I have no idea what they were originally but they made tasty pickles.

  2. Reverse aging was also a theme in Mork and Mindy.
    Please tell me you really know who Rosencrantz and Guildenstern were!! If not, try Hamlet or Tom Stoppard.
    If you tweet yourself too often you'll go blind.

  3. i found myself here just following the #nablopomo on twitter and this was my favorite line from your post:

    "Annnnnnnd; Tweeting myself. I know to some of you that sounds like some sort of crazy porn movie, but here in the world of "teh interwebs", we do tweet ourselves."

  4. Nice to meet you Linda! Hope you stick around. :D

  5. Enough of this tweeting talk and I will have to check it out I fear.

    I too would love to swim with the fishes. And Merpeople. And Ducks.

    This is a good read. Good to see you have friends with ideas.