If there's one thing I have come to realize about life, it's that you really and sincerely don't have to do anything. I don't want you to think that I am psycho or anything, but you don't even have to live if you don't want to. (Before I continue, I most certainly do want to live, so don't get any silly ideas there.) The reason that this comes to mind is that lately I have been putting myself through some mental crap that I really don't have to. I have allowed certain circumstances overcome my better judgment, and have allowed those things to make me feel bad about me. Unacceptable.
I don't have to put myself through things that hurt or destroy me just to help another person out. I decided that, from now on, I am taking distance with situations more seriously. I need to learn when to stop letting things make me feel like less than what I am. I have always been the kind of person who keeps my hand in the fire, regardless of the consequence, in order to do for other people. This time, I just can't abide it. That being said, I feel better about my decision already.
On another note, I have selected a couple of head shots taken of me which I think are simply beautiful. I have paid for them and they are on their way to me in the next 6-10 days. This is all starting to become really real to me now. I am really going to do this audition. I am really going to fight for this part.
Talked to my good friend about it all again tonight, and damn does he know how to put me at ease about it. He said he is going to keep telling me that I am going to be awesome until I believe him... and you know what? I think I really am starting to. Talked with him about abridging the monologue a bit and he told me that that is perfectly acceptable, which I was very happy about. I am supposed to keep it as close to two minutes as I can, and I think Liz Taylor's version may suit just fine, since I am going to be nervous and talking a lot faster anyway. When and if I get a part at Faire, I will name my good friend. He and another person (whom I shall refer to as Miguel... he'll know what that means) have really made this thing start to happen for me. Everything from building my confidence for the role and helping answer a billion and a half questions that I have about formal auditions, as I have not auditioned for a role since high school, and monologues were not part of the process.
I am going to start watching Liz's bit at least twice a day in order to memorize what she has done for the part. Also, I figure if I either type it or write it out at least once a day, that will help me to memorize it as well.
All in all, it has been a wonderful day. I am getting my quarter sleeve done in a few days (see: 63 hours from now) and I am SUPER stoked about that. Getting a check in the mail will be nice as well because I will finally have some money to get my car fixed, which is going to be my mode of transport this summer. Thinking I had better save out a few hundred for the "just in casies" which always seem to jump out of the bushes and onto my back.
I sincerely hope that, for those of you who are reading, that you are at least sort of enjoying your glimpse into my mind. Leave a comment if you'd like... or don't... but it's been nice unloading.
Until next time, my love.